random drabbles

2012-01-03T20:37:00.004+08:00

Throwing away your toothbrush makes everything feel so...... final.

Ohwell. As j said, it's going to hurt no matter what, so be firm now and don't drag it any longer. I'm sorry, blame me for being humji, or for being so uncertain all the time.

I want to get back to what was, but it doesn't seem possible...... at least not now.

Giving it time.

2011-12-02T04:20:00.002+08:00

Someone tell me what to do to get out of this!!! le sigh.

2011-11-30T18:59:00.003+08:00

How many times and in how many ways can you say to someone this isnt working

now what did i get myself into.......

2011-10-09T21:32:00.006+08:00

It's been awhile.

I've been thinking about what was said during dinner just now, and it's making me slightly dreary. So a couple of them were saying that in a year or so I'll find myself losing friends from back home, from either just simply losing touch/interest, or because I/they change so much that we're no longer on common frequency and it starts becoming a chore to keep up.

And then I see those videos on fb and I suddenly got very melancholy. Indeed it's.......... different. To be fair we were already drifting apart, but still. I'm not afraid to say what I want to here cos she won't be reading this, not now not ever, but it isn't a very pleasant feeling. And the one thing that kept popping out from dinner was when I probably had a pretty horrified expression on me and they just laughed and said hey it's nothing bad, you lose one and u make another. It's a step forward cos they're no longer the type u wanna hang out with anymore. And it's ringing so many bells in my head right now.

Ding dong, ding dong and wedding marches.

The sad thing is, if I want to be perfectly honest to myself, when I look at what I have/am going through now, I don't regret anything. I don't regret losing what was back home cos I've seen what is, and can be, here. I don't know if this will change in a year or two, but if you ask me now, I'd say if it comes down to it, I'd sacrifice what was, for what is and what will be. Am I too much?

I blame it on the fact that I'm hanging out with an older, and definitely very much more different, crowd nowadays, and these are people who've been here for ages and don't really see themselves going back anytime soon cos home isn't home to them anymore. These are the people who break out in song and dance and feel right at home here. These are the people who... live. Who have dreams and chase it. Passion - something that was sorely lacking and yet I never knew until now...

Well at least I'm writing this down here for now. When I don't and yet I feel that way..... is the time when it's one of you.........

2011-07-03T18:06:00.003+08:00

I am having such serious cravings for yu pian mi fen it is not even funny.

2011-06-28T21:50:00.003+08:00

Yes I guess I'm weird in that way but the more something is forced upon me, the more I resist it. The more you push, the more I'm just going to back away. So give me some space, ok. Annoyed.

2011-06-26T22:00:00.002+08:00

omggg
nooooo?

2011-06-25T22:58:00.003+08:00

I'm moving out tomorrow!! Cannot believe it's been two whole weeks. Slightly upset when shyuan left in the arvo today but I guess it's time I face the world alone! NewFriend's coming to pick me up tomorrow (totally weirded out abt everything but it's been great still) to drive me to my new place. And my new housemate's off to tasmania tomorrow, so I guess the coming week will be me alone in the new place again! Ohwells it'll still be great fun.

So it's so coincidental that my new polish bff loves spongebob too!! Spongebob brings pple tgt. HAHA!! Met so many more people during the drinks sesh on friday and I had my very first full mandarin conversation in two weeks with this really nice lady from Shanghai. A couple frustrations here and there from all the admin problems I'm facing but I'm hoping it'll sort themselves out in the weeks to come. So don't worry abt me friends!! (((:

2011-06-21T18:49:00.002+08:00

HELLO FRIENDS!!!
I've been great, so far so good! Totally excited about everything that is happening right now, and still trying to get used to the new environment. Making new friends, remembering everyone's names, getting lost and walking long distances - it's all good fun! It's also awesome that shyuan's with me right now so I have someone who's like a partner (HAHA) who has dinner on the stove when i'm back at this temp apartment. Gonna move out on sunday morning to my permanent place if my future housemate wants me hurr (still getting the rent and all sorted out). Work's been good so far too, everyone's been really friendly, and this place is like UN - I counted a total of THREE australians that I've met so far, they're like a rare species here HAHA.

Would love to post up photos but my data (it's pronounced as dar-tar here; i learnt it the hard way HAHA) plan's limited and I'm left with 200mb for the next month so no pictures! Hope everyone's been doing great too! Love (:

2011-06-01T14:44:00.003+08:00

The problem (or convenience, actually) of gmail/google is that they pick up EVERYTHING and now whenever i google for something (when i wanna ship stuff from US to SG), the first few choices that come up usually end with a '.au' which is fantastic really but not what I want.... not yet anyway.

It just goes to show there is no such thing as privacy on the internet. Good and bad, cos look at this! So awesome right. In this day and age, one should learn never to steal other people's things anymore. Especially techie stuff. This is even more awesome than kimjongil looking at things, although it is still pretty awesome in the inanely awesome way hahahaha!! My favourite is kimjongil looking at fish.

2011-05-19T17:17:00.002+08:00

PANIC OMGGGG *pulls hair*

2011-05-01T12:22:00.003+08:00

Sometimes it's not that I want to be bias or that I'm intentionally irrational, but honestly when you act that way, like a freaking immature spoilt kid, how the fuck do u expect me to sympathize in that few small moments that you seem like you need some form of support.

忍

2011-04-20T13:58:00.002+08:00

Recently, my dad has been on a qin-let's-do-lunch spree. My dad, being the usual chinese traditionalist, doesn't really say much when it comes to feelings, so this time I think this might have something to do with the fact that I will be away (I wanted to say 'gone' but I don't really like that word) soon, and he's trying to spend more time with me where possible.

Loved.

2011-03-31T03:06:00.006+08:00

Just spent the last 2 hrs filling up ONE of the FOUR application forms needed to complete visa application STEP A. whoo~~~ just shoot me.

How does ANYBODY document down the past 5 years worth of travel?

Sleepy. But need to get this done.

Surging onwards.

2011-03-19T01:13:00.007+08:00

Recently in the past week........

(pardon the "random" word at the bottom, I'm still testing various iphone drawing apps).

Basically, I'm very confused right now. Immigration procedures arghh!!!

2011-03-09T22:25:00.002+08:00

I'm ecstatic, I am!!!

But at the same time, I'm suddenly confused/apprehensive. More like..... 矛盾.

怎么办!!!!!

2011-02-25T01:03:00.002+08:00

I want this so much I can taste it.
And because I want this SO MUCH, I'm so afraid if it falls through.

It's been a long time since I bothered to fight, bothered to act, for something that I want.
It's refreshing.

2011-02-12T17:44:00.003+08:00

Not sure why exactly, but I'm finding it increasingly hard to get through a Dan Brown book in one sitting. It's been two days since I started The Lost Symbol (yes I know I'm damn lag; I'm still catching up on all the books that I've bought over the past 2.5years but never got the time to read) and I'm not even halfway through. And I'm the kind who usually can't put down a book until I finish the whole thing (yes I don't sleep for two days straight with each potter book). It's been... what, four? five? years since my last Dan Brown novel, and I used to just let the words wash through me and the story bring me along. But now? I find myself stopping at almost every other chapter, just to google about a certain topic and read up to see if it made sense in the context of the story. The intention theory. Noetic science. The Zohar. The Apotheosis of Washington. And then I end up reading about THAT particular topic and it's another hour before I get back to the book at hand. More cynical? Maybe. I think it's cos I'm so free now that I've taken interest in everything, every single mundane thing. I feel like reading, and reading, and reading, anything I can get my hands on. For now, I need to continuously remind myself that it's a work of fiction.

Also, I really don't get the bieber fever. Was watching Diary (bieber edition) on MTV the other day, and I couldn't help the goosebumps that popped when I watched all those kids, teens, adults, parents, aunties, ahmas crying over him omggg. On another note, his songs make excellent gym workout companions. Everytime I hear 'baby baby baby ohhhhh', it makes me paddle the stationary bike that much harder cos it pisses me off and I just want him to shut up.

2011-01-19T00:38:00.005+08:00

Loads of things happening, AROUND me not ON me, so.

It's interesting looking at my sis study cos she'll be all wriggly and touching herself while reading off her notes (she's studying physiotherapy, get ur head out of the gutter). And so I was peeping at her scribblings and I can't pronounce 90% of the words on it (trochanter what??).

I've been slacking away the past half month (awesomeness), and still have no plans for the coming weeks (not-so-awesome but still great). Am still waiting for replies from certain parties (cross fingers) and getting impatient with some others (hurry up already).

My dad's gone and bought a new tv which has just been mounted on the wall so that means major changes to the living room layout. I've also decided to change my bookcase (cui-ed) in my room so that means a shopping trip to IKEA is in order.

Either I've been watching too many tv shows or reading too many books lately, I realise I'm starting to use angmoh colloquials and people start staring at me as if I've grown a third nipple. I say third nipple not second head cos third nipples exist!!! Here.

Evidently, I've been youtubing too much.

2011-01-03T00:14:00.001+08:00

It's only been 3 days (or less?) and I feel like my old self back again.

(:

2011-01-01T23:50:00.002+08:00

I'm not going to lie and say it wasn't without apprehension. But I AM glad I'm out of there. There's so much to say, and so much to reminisce about, and I guess it all boils down to the people. Thank you all, for everything, for all the wonderful, and not-so-wonderful memories. I'll miss yall!

And with that, it's also with a mixture of excitement and slight trepidation that I'm gonna embrace the coming year. New year, new start, new beginnings. And for this year I'm going to live with the one motto that I've resolved to embody, that you only live once. Gonna go do things that I've always wanted to do, while I'm still able, before I regret it. It's better to do it and regret it, than to regret not doing it at all.

So friends, I might just totally make a fool out of myself this coming year, or I might get lucky and finally know, and get, what I want. Regardless of the former or the latter, pls stand by me and wish me the best of luck! I need all the luck and well-wishes I can get now. Cross fingers!

Happy holidays everyone, and may 2011 be the highlight of your life. I'll keep all of you in my prayers! Love. (:

2010-12-27T23:24:00.004+08:00

I honestly feel relly really really really stupid but I guess this is what happens when you are responsible here. When I can do a SL and just throw everything up in the air and say SCREW YOU I'M GONE.

I have never wanted a week to be over and yet not be over at the same time, so much, before.

2010-12-09T00:53:00.002+08:00

Friends (you know who you are!), any christmas wishes? Pls assist in my gift-buying and drop me a msg with a big hint! Loves (:

2010-12-03T23:25:00.001+08:00

One post for today to go down to history. O happy day (:

2010-11-17T03:21:00.005+08:00

Public holiday tomorrow!

So thanks to nini I attended the gala premiere of Potter earlier today (yesterday?). It's so cute cos there were quite a few HP fans who were totally dressed up for the event in full Hogwarts gear. We even spotted a funny-looking lady who looked like Professor Trelawney (though I don't think she meant to hurhurr) complete with the blonde dreadlocks and fuzzy hair and all!! Can't wait for the final one to be out next july. How was it? I think it stayed as true to the book as possible, which is awesome. But well they should just release the final one already! haha.

Anyway I have a thousand and one thoughts running through my head now but it's not for me to say, nor for me to say it here. It happens, all the time. Plus, we are so similar that it's just..... too easy to be figured out ya'noe? haha ohwells.

Earlier today I was attempting to arrange for a birthday celebration for my parents but well seems like I'm the only one who is willing to help, so. Actually I also don't really have that much of a right to be irritated but I guess I was just hoping for more action and less reluctance on the part of others. 'whatever', 'anything' and 'up to you' just can't quite cut it as value-adding inputs.

Right now I'm just trying to think positively that all will work out, but the problem is, now time IS of the essence. To stay or to go? I need to make a decision, and fast. I will also need quicker respose from the other side. Cross fingers.

2010-11-05T13:58:00.004+08:00

话，像水，泼了出去是收不回来的。
即使试着收回，地板也还是湿了。

我曾经说过，有一天，你会把我们一个一个的逼出去。
哈，回想起，那是七年前的事了。
七年后，不是如此吗？

2010-10-31T21:37:00.002+08:00

Feels like I've accomplished nothing. Nothing at all.

Not on the things that matter.

Don't leave me behind... will you slow down for me? Time, please wait for me.

2010-10-21T00:31:00.001+08:00

I wanna be a billionaire
So friggin bad
Buy all of the things I never had
I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine
Standing next to Oprah and the Queen

2010-10-03T22:19:00.003+08:00

Just because I have it bad doesn't mean that I have to be a self-righteous arse about it. Others made a smarter choice while I was stupid, so I have no right, and can only live with the choice I made.

Need to keep telling myself that.

2010-09-29T00:34:00.004+08:00

It's times like these that I rmb just how annoying you can get and why sometimes I hate you so. There's difference in opinions, and then there's just plain wrongness (wrongness? is there such a word?).

Thanks, for reminding me that I need to work harder to get out of the emoruthole that I'm in, far far away from you.

this time... i'm gonna give all my secrets away

2010-09-21T01:29:00.005+08:00

I actually quite like my new hairstyle, so you know what I'm not really that worried about what others will think already! Maybe I've grown up. HAHA (or maybe I'm just in denial hurhurr). oh the irony that I look like a kid now

Still, it'll be quite interesting to see the reactions of pple tmr. I hope they at least recognize me. HAHA!

Nights, world! <333

2010-09-16T00:28:00.007+08:00

So I've gone and painted my nails an awesome orange:

And I'm thinking, this is great, cos like when I'm in office, and stupid people approach me to ask stupid questions, or when random annoying people come find me to help this help that or do this do that, they'll be totally caught offguard by my nails! They'll either gush over it or express annoyance over the improperness of having such a colour at work, then depending on which scenario they gravitate to, they'll walk off either looking pleased or shaking their heads and murmuring to themselves. Either way it's great cos that just means they would have forgotten what they wanted to ask/order me to do!! Distraction ftw!!!

So as we have all agreed (all being me and debs), I hereby decree that neon is the new black. HAHAHAHA fashion faux pas max????

2010-09-12T01:04:00.004+08:00

Hurr. Happiness on the misery of others.
schadenfreude person. schadenfreude-r? schadenfreude-rer? Call me mean; whatever.

The keypad cover feels damn weird - like an oversized condom. Makes the whole experience less enjoyable and less, well, accurate. HAHA.

So much to say, so many thoughts, nowhere/ nobody to release to.

It's always about picking the right audience - one who can understand what you're gg through/talking about. Yes, you are not going through what I'm going through so you don't understand and can't empathize. Well you can, but not in the way that matters. So no, actually you really can't, pls don't say you do. No point.

One in a group of 5. One in a group of 10/11/12/13/14/15....... how many? I've lost count.

Lately.....

And someone asks, hasn't it been like this all the while? Honestly, yeah, all the while.
All this fucking while and I'm so sick and tired of myself and the people around me.

No no I'm not emo.
I'm broke! No $$$!

Wanna dive further under the duvet, and never come out.

2010-08-16T01:52:00.013+08:00

Wanna post a few of my favourite perth pics before the excitement dies down!

At.... some place around the city near the coastline. Obviously I'm not the one doing the planning this time round heehee.

This one I know!! Fremantle!! Look ma, no train!

I dunno why but I think this pic is absolutely cute. Now I know why my dad can be so bai.

Sign along the walkway says 'Take your rubbish with you'

Yallingup reef! Where we stumbled upon cos the navigator for the day, my dearest sis, decided that to get from one area to another, all you need to do is 'go straight'. Everything also 'go straight'.

More jump shots!!

Us!! hearts (:

At an animal farm around Magaret River. 'Can I have a carrot pweaseee?'

'Thank you I'll hold it myself' nom nom nom. SO CUTEEE

Ok blogger has decided that I cannot upload anymore photos. More another time!! Need to sleep soon anyway, cos shyuan has scared me enough about her newfound Facts of Eyebags. Anyway, just to make a point that I think there's just something about me and planes, my flight from sg to perth was also delayed, although that was only a 45min delay cos we had to wait for transit passengers. Btw I loved talking to the brit sitting beside me, too bad he's wayyyyy too old (HAHA). Sorry I digress. Anyway, to add on to the plane thing, for the flight BACK from perth I also had trouble at the check-in counter!! Apparently the system picked my name up twice so there was some confusion and haywire-ness. WIN!

On a small note, the whole world is getting engaged/married/pregnant! Congrats to everyone!! So exciting to be moving on to another chapter. (((:

2010-08-07T17:53:00.004+08:00

And the drama continues.

After a terrible night (read: my roomate is a HEAVY snorer who can fight with my dad), I finally gave up trying to sleep at 430am. nvm, gotta be up 1.5hrs later anyway. surf net.

fast fwd to 9am. fantastic start to the morning, we're boarding at 9am for a 930am flight! (considered v early already hor).

930am. YAYYY gate IS closing!

935am. On runway, waiting for green light.

10am. On runway, waiting for green light.

1030am. On runway, waiting for green light. WHAT IS BLOODY GOING ON???

1035am. Pilot announced that the govt wants to yan xi so the airspace is closed for the time being. SAY WHAT??? Passengers getting agitated (again).

1045am. Woman at back making hell lot of noise. na li you zhe zhong shi?? yao yan xi jiu yan xi?? Other passengers secretly snigger.

11am. I just want to go home.

1105am. Is that the engine restarting that I just heard?

1110am. Pilot announces GREEN LIGHT GIVEN WE CAN FLY!!!

1111am. Congratulates the guy one seat away from me. We both concur we have never been so happy to fly, ever.

1115am And we're off!!!

Now that I'm safely back, I want to say that I think this flight was just not meant to be. I've never been on a mroe shaky flight or a flight that experienced more turbulance than this morning. All I could think was I wanna go home plsssss.

Anyway so after another big hoo-ha back in changi airport (I still needed my flight to perth confirmed!!!!), I finally managed to rush back home, throw my china bag down, have a quick bath, and out I went back towards the airport.

So now I'm at the boarding gate to perth, and even though I know that sg has more reliable service (even though I have to say the flight from xm was SILKAIR (=SQ)), I can't help looking out at the singaporeair plane now and think "pls don't delay".

I just realised over the past 24hrs I have developed a phobia of flight delays.
WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!

2010-08-06T23:12:00.002+08:00

FANTASTIC. DRAMA MAX.

So thinking that I'd finally be on my way home this early afternoon, I reached xiamen airport and checked in early as usual. Wait wait wait... hmm... 150pm flight... now already 130.. why the plane still not here? ok nvm. delays in china v common so nvm wait awhile... wait wait wiat.. 2pm!!! stewardess announced 'flight delay due to technical fault... no ETD as yet...' OK WIN... nvm wait wait wait.. my next flight is 1am from sgp so still got lotsa time.. and then finally ding dong announcement... flight delayed to 430pm!! OK CALM... still got time.. can catch next flight... no sweat...

Then 430pm. yayy finally can board le! and by 445 everyone was on board waiting to go back... taxi-ing along the runway.. then... suddenly.. 'We regret to inform you that we are turning back now as a passenger needs to get off the plane'
wtf rite?! strike two! so the bloody plane turned back... wait DAMN FREAKING LONG finally got police car come... got some bloody slut-looking zabor off the plane.. like wth is gg on?!?

530pm. Said slut finally got pushed up the police car (she was refusing to initially - from what i can see from my window seat), and stairs and car retracted. pilot announced 'the passenger who has just departed from the plane says that someone on board is trying to hurt her, so we had to get her off the plane upon her insistence' ... say what?? ok nvm fantastic all i'm interested in is 'we can take off soon, awaiting green light from air tower'
Fantastic, still in time for my next flight. cutting it close but still can.

6pm. Still stuck at same spot. what's gg on??? The plane's getting rowdy. Suddenly this huge group of passengers at the back insist on getting off too - they suspect that said slut planted some bomb or what, i dunno. SO HOW?! pilot comes on. now have to taxi back to the bay!! cos huge grp wanna leave!! FKKKKKKKKKKKK. fantastic.

7pm. Still at same coordinates. Not moved an inch. Plane getting rowdier and rowdier.

745pm. FINALLY!! bloody bus and stairs arrive. EVERYONE NEEDS TO GET OFF!! now they're gg to perform a thorough search! All I'm thinking is FANTASTIC i'll miss my next flight already yayness.

8pm. Back at airport lounge. Where I was 8 freaking hours ago. enough time for me to go sgp and come back, round trip. CLAP HANDS. don't need go aussie alr.

830pm. PLANE NOT FLYING ALREADY. FLY TMR INSTEAD. STRIKEEEEEEE THREEE!! AND YOU'RE OUT!!! Arrangements made to put us up at some random hotel.

ok i don't have the energy to type anymore. anw so now i'm at pan pac with someone who isnt a complete stranger but neither do i really noe that person. to cut the long story short. FML. series of unfortunate events. going to bug the SQ staff to put me on the next flight out to perth tmr. WISH ME LUCK!!

2010-08-06T00:58:00.002+08:00

What's worse than an early morning flight is an early morning flight with a screaming, crying kid with a powerful set of lungs who shouts 'wo bu yao~~' at regular intervals. Let's hope tmr will not be a repeat of monday.

I see darkness as I look out the hotel room window at this point of time. Am packed (this time it's much quicker and easier), and I don't think my luggage is more than 12kg this time around. Don't know whether to be relieved or nostalgic that this will prob be my last time here. More relief actually, and gladness. haha

Solo flying is strangely appealing. I should really try solo travelling one day.

2010-07-22T01:21:00.006+08:00

>half a yr into 2010. What have we accomplished? Honestly?

I used to be passionate; I used to have a life; I used to write, used to sing, used to read, used to play, used to enjoy.
I used to breathe.

and then I came ey and I died

2010-07-16T01:28:00.000+08:00

siao liao!
luggage cannot close... jing huang
luggage without toiletries and all that skincare shit (that will easily add another 3kg) already >20kg... jing huang-er
thinking that i'm more or less packed (without toiletries, will pack tmr, and rmb, BAG STILL CAN'T BE ZIPPED PROPERLY) and then spying another bag of shopping loot... jing huang max!!!!!

2010-07-14T22:47:00.001+08:00

Home in 2 days, can't wait!! wheeeeeeeee~
And on that point, WHY is everyone in the land of no-facebook too??
Well too bad-de(think the way they pronounce english), I'm going home first-te!! muahahahaah
为祖国奋斗！！哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈

2010-06-27T02:34:00.002+08:00

Leaving on a jetplane in 24, and I'm not fully packed!! panic sets in when u realize u've got to squeeze in all those clothes and shoes and files and yet u still only have that 20kg(?) allowance. MY SHOES!!! my beloved shoes. how how how?? and I'm starting to worry too when I see all those chinese words and I think about reading those chinese words and using those chinese words to communicate and work and everyone knows just how fantastic my chinese is zomgg and i'm getting a headache just thinking abt it ahhhhhhhhhhhhh and honestly i'm qt scared to sleep alone in an unfamiliar place howwwww and yikes i'm blabbering

GAH. seeyall in 3wks! taaaa~

2010-05-26T02:28:00.002+08:00

Look at this!! It's absolutely cute.

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1934920

I'm not very much a big fan of kesha, but you know you must have reached somewhere if you feature on the simpsons.

2010-05-26T01:23:00.006+08:00

I cannot help but recall this extract from Matilda:

"Mrs D, Mrs I, Mrs F-F-I,
Mrs C, Mrs U, Mrs L-T-Y.
That spells difficulty."

"... WHY ARE ALL THESE WOMEN MARRIED??"

2010-05-15T02:16:00.001+08:00

矛盾！！

2010-05-05T12:09:00.001+08:00

siao liao how come noone knows what where's wally? is. my fav childhood game-book!!!! TELL ME YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABT!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-04-30T21:52:00.006+08:00

I'm sudd damnnn sick of this place (agn). Sick of not being able to take any leave since last sept, sick of not being able to take any leave up till nov (and who knows what's gg to add on behind nov in weeks to come), sick of the only week of leave that i attempted to take in may to be double booked with another job!!! sick of having to forfeit my leave (90% probable), sick of all the fake benefits "we give you OT - oh but sorry you can't use it to book leave u can only use it on adhoc basis (= NEVER), and anyway you still have AL u haven't even clear (see 'sick of..' point before)", sick of all that act-concern-act-blur-act-innocent rubbish "u mean we pay one of the lowest? are u sure?? (like wtf dun pretend la)".

That was just part 1 of a 10-parter 'sick of' series. And they wonder why there's a permanent exodus going on (uhh, like, open your eyes? it doesn't take a genius to figure it out).

As you can see, I am not very happy here (understatement of the century).

2010-04-27T23:50:00.005+08:00

I feel so hypocritical cos on one hand I keep whining about work all the time and on the other hand I get pissed off when I see this certain person complaining abt his/her life on fb ALL THE FREAKING TIME cos honestly what are u trying to prove?? getting all upset about not getting what you want when you already have SO MUCH?

I feel old and naggy, like one of those pple who used to tell me 'you don't know how good being in school is' when I used to complain abt school. Come to think abt it I used to hate it when pple tell me that. But so true isnt it. It's so much better to be in school - you just won't know it till u leave. Maybe I'm just irritated with that person. Or maybe to me, u can whine but don't do it thrice a day on a regular basis; if you do have an urge to kb every few hrs, don't do it publicly (read: fb status updates). it's even more regular than my breakfast/lunch/dinner. Cos, as a certain person likes to say, there's only so much you can cry about until it becomes meaningless.

wtf. Now I'm starting to get irritated with myself.

Welcome to Chao Kuan LLP - where we exploit u and tell you it's PROGRESS; where we shit on you and tell you we're giving you gold, where we call ourselves professional but cleverly small-font the word 'slave-drivers' behind (of cos we'll still put it in - we're clever at disclaiming liability, HELLO??).

2010-04-21T22:25:00.002+08:00

What bugs me isn't the incompetency. What bugs me is that you are incompetent (and blantantly, at that) and have a level of EQ that leaves much to be desired. And if you don't know your stuff, PLEASE, don't act like you do cos it really just makes you look very bad.

Pissed. I think karma will bite me on the arse and I'll be a much-gossiped-about-nasty senior. hah.

2010-04-16T05:52:00.002+08:00

zzz.. woke up with a start with this v uneasy feeling. feeling v stressed over work and the fact that I prob have so much left to complete when tmr (today rather) is pull-out day and my a1 is practically on half day and i'm all alone (agn). feel like puking when i open my f section. urghhh.

2010-04-09T23:22:00.005+08:00

Suddenly feel like chopping my hair off EVEN SHORTER. woots!

Decided to flood this space with my bf's pic:

heehee.

Nowadays I'm starting to believe that thinking positively will garner positive energy which = positive outcome / more luck. Instead of harping on 'why didnt I get that chance' or 'why me', I'm starting to get myself to think 'Something bigger is waiting for me' or 'it's a good chance'. As they say, one man's trash is another man's treasure. So everyone in the midst of misery or on the brink of depression, start thinking positive! It just might work.

Or maybe I've just been hanging around my positive-energy-guru nini more often lately. haha!

I think I've been living in the past for far too long. I look around me and I see things that have been there since many years back - feel like some ancient figure who's stuck in time.

It's all about finding something new, challenging yourself, daring to venture into the unknown. Taking the first step forward. Everyone's moving on - I want to move forward too. PROGRESS. (not in that sarcastic def, shyuan) haha!

2010-03-29T00:27:00.002+08:00

Perfect example of how a good job can become bad just from a change of mgr. feel like cursing and swearing... now i hate this job. ttm!! ARGH!!! JUSTKILLMEEEEEEEEE

2010-03-27T03:09:00.004+08:00

This is absolutely cute!! watch the original you belong with me mv first if you haven't though, if not it won't be as cute. haha!

2010-03-25T22:33:00.002+08:00

No offense to my guy friends, but seriously, if all guys are secretly like that, I think I have just given up hope on the male species.

The straw that broke the camel's back. Arse.

2010-03-15T01:46:00.005+08:00

In the quiet of the night, awake-
Searching for answers;
Incomplete, unsatisfied, lost.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not emo. Just.... lost.
I'm lost.

All that is happening recently just brought back all the gawdawful memories of before. Cannot help but wonder if everything really is alright already. Whether it's still a pretense... for our sake? Actually... if it is I don't really wanna know either.

One day I'm going to read back all these entries and have no idea what I'm talking about cos I speak in codes too much, too often. Ha.

/edit
4am and i found new love... ebay!! die.

//edit
wtf is a portable grand piano. ridiculous.
kenneth cole watches are <3333
i need to go to bed soon it's 5 HAHA.

2010-03-11T23:21:00.002+08:00

Left eyelid's been twitching spasmodically on-and-off for the past 2 days - I wonder what misfortune might befall...

2010-03-07T23:14:00.003+08:00

Major grouse.

Why is it when opportunity comes knocking, EVERYTHING happens at the same time? And when all is said and done, when the dust has cleared, you realize, hey I'm back to square one. Opportunity my arse.

No longer wanna complain about work cos, you know, I'm sure everyone is sick and tired of my complaints and then it all boils down to why don't you just fking quit which will just end up with idunnowhyi'mstillherebutiamsoshuddup.

Stupid is as stupid does. Stupid - the one word I've been using recently to describe myself, and to answer all questions that are thrown my way.

And years after, still at status quo, still lost, still no meaning.
Friends with the world, partner to none.
Still hidden inside the society-mould that been longing to break.
Society-mould? Or Selfmade-shell.

2010-02-23T10:43:00.003+08:00

Extremely unsettled. Super bad feeling..... jittery. urgh.

2010-02-06T22:32:00.001+08:00

Sometimes people just don't realize that their actions affect not just who they're targetting, but everyone around them.

2010-01-31T01:59:00.000+08:00

when you wish upon a star...

melacholia.

2010-01-13T03:44:00.000+08:00

my a1 asked 'do u think i will die' and i find myself unable to answer her

2010-01-10T02:01:00.002+08:00

omg shit thing. it's sunday tmr already? feels like thur. or fri.

day 6 down, 24 more days to go.

2010-01-01T22:56:00.001+08:00

Trust - something so simple yet so complex; so hard to earn but so easily lost.

2009-12-30T23:03:00.005+08:00

You know Matilda by Roald Dahl? There was this part where Matilda asked, Why won't anybody go home and complain to their parents about the atrocities of Miss Trunchbull?, and the big kid she was talking to replied, Which parent will believe?. (ok I doubt those are the exact words they blurted, but you get the idea) Well it kinda feels like that, cos unless you're a student of Crunchem Hall, you won't know just how sadistic things can get in here, or you won't even believe; you'd think we're bullshitting or just being overtly dramatic and making a mountain out of a molehill. Like my mum said, people don't believe cos we're all university grads, we're not expected to allow such things to happen to us in the very first place!

As I was saying, I have never hated and despised a non-living thing so much ever before. Ever.

Honestly. I'm beginning to suspect that I have SM tendencies since I'm still here. Somehow deep inside me I must enjoy getting tortured or being a slave.

2009-12-27T21:57:00.001+08:00

december's ending, shit thing's coming!!!!!!! *flails arms in distress*

2009-12-22T00:52:00.003+08:00

What bugs me, is that you conveniently ask me nonstop for things that you can simply obtain on your own, just by making use of a little bit of your brain. What bugs me, is that even after trying my very darn best to be as accomodating as I can, to be as patient as I can, to be as nice as I can be, you seem to be de cun jing chi-ing. Ever heard of going too far? I have my limits; stop before I really lose it and I don't really want things to get ugly. I thought I was no longer the lowest life form, but at the rate this is going, I'm the lowest life form and the de-facto highest life form there........ then honestly what is your contribution? I honestly honestly honestly do not think I'm mean cos I have worked with so many others before, but why, why is it you just have to be so trying??

Everyday, my patience is being tested, and, it is wearing thin. Thinner and thinner and thinner.

I'm sorry, but apparently (and I'm going to get alot of bad karma for saying this), there are really lazy people in the world who don't use their brains who ask stupid questions who just annoy the shit out of me-

-and just as I was talking about getting more good karma.

i'm full of contradictions.

2009-12-20T00:31:00.002+08:00

If seeing me in my most chui state or seeing that I'm not doing as well as you somehow think that I am will make you feel better about yourself, or about things in relation to yourself....

... go ahead.

Need to gain more good karma (again), and more importantly, get down to setting certain goals for myself and taking back control of my life. Spiralling out of hand - something needs to be done. New year new resolutions!

Keeping fingers crossed.

2009-12-08T09:44:00.000+08:00

omg i'm so d it's insane i feel like a stalker HAHAHAHHAA

2009-12-07T00:23:00.004+08:00

heehee say hi to my baby everyone!!

So I'm kinda ashamed to say that when I stepped into ukulele movement, all thoughts of budget flew out the window. HAHA!

and what i absolutely larve about my baby:

So beautiful =)

"Anuenue is Rainbow in hawaiian, and Lani means heaven"

I've got a piece of rainbow heaven =)))))))

2009-12-05T23:23:00.001+08:00

gonna get my uke!!! =)))))

and,

it's december again!

2009-11-22T21:34:00.002+08:00

ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! SO CONFUSED!!!!

driving myself mad

i'm really turning into a no-life bitter and spiteful old woman help

2009-11-07T20:19:00.003+08:00

What can you do if the mgr asks 'are u okay', and the snr di sheng xia qi say 'sorry'?

What else can you do but suck it up, breakdown notwithstanding, and continue on?

So tempted to just throw in the towel.

2009-10-04T17:58:00.002+08:00

It's always hard to say sorry.

Sorry.

---

Laughter. Pure happiness and unadulterated joy?

Or a facade to cover up embarassment.

Not always as hardy as one seems.

2009-10-02T23:07:00.003+08:00

Need to rant!

Hate people who 看人!!!
Hate nasty clients who go 'only ur senior can see' right in your face at every other opportunity. So I'm just a lowly asst but EVERYONE started from the bottom up right?? And honestly do u really think I'm so free to look at ur pfiles just for my own fun!? So ngiao for fk! First time I hate doing payroll so much!

Please be reasonable, you have your work to do and we have our work to complete. The longer u drag and the more u find trouble for us, the more I'll have to keep coming back to haunt you and the longer the pain will last. I don't like you and you don't like me, so let's just get it over with, alright.

List of "Things that get on my nerves" seems to be increasing exponentially.

2009-09-29T03:43:00.002+08:00

Driving back to office at 3am in the morning to drop files off seems really surreal, yet infuriating all at the same time.

What's even more incredulous is seeing friends still there, and still there when you've gone and come back home.

Just goes to show what a slave driver of an employer we have.

Finally off to bed. Nights.

2009-09-18T00:42:00.003+08:00

I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know,
I've got to let it go, and just enjoy the show

Why I'm still here? Jinx hit the nail on the head - it's about the fear of change.
Change - the only constant. Cliche.
Give me the courage.

cos Life is a maze, and Love is a riddle

2009-08-17T21:49:00.000+08:00

Finally looking out for myself, and there's only one way-out.

2009-08-14T01:32:00.004+08:00

She asked, why so irritated now when they have been doing this all this time?

Yes that's the way it has always been but I guess maybe I'm just not that stupid anymore that I do recognize when I'm being exploited. It's unreasonable and I know that there's nothing I can do about that, but that doesn't stop me from feeling irritated all the same. What's more surprising (or not) is that you still insist that I remain here. For what? For my bloody own good? Even if it means losing myself in the process? Which I'm already kinda halfway there.

For the past twenty-three years, you never cared not bothered, and I've already made peace with that after much pain, so please don't upset the balance now, because at this point of time, the more you attempt to control, the further my autopilot-self is just going to push you away. Which I don't want to, not really.

Law of attraction. I willed myself to get MC, and now I'm really sick.

2009-08-09T00:12:00.002+08:00

I just discovered the wonder that is Pink Martini! Better late than never, I say.

Bossa nova much! Loves.

And, happy 44th singapore! *waves flag* haha!

2009-08-02T04:35:00.001+08:00

Reached a stage where I'm refusing to go to bed in the hopes of delaying the end of the weekend...... siao liao.

2009-08-01T13:06:00.001+08:00

bolstie says hi (:

2009-07-26T00:34:00.003+08:00

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

2009-07-17T23:16:00.003+08:00

I was stuck between a rock and a hard place; honestly, WHAT did u expect me to do? Did you really expect anything different? It's bad enough it's come to this, what's worse is your flippant attitude about it as if all this trouble wasn't due to you in the very first place. Because it totally is and so STOP TALKING ABT IT AS IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. Because, my dear, it is starting to annoy. Just like everything else and all your baseless accusations. Because, my dear, I can only take so much rubbish from one person so please stop testing my patience and pushing me past my limits. Because, my dear, I cannot be responsible for my actions that result thereafter.

I need a breather from work and its related rubbish.

2009-06-24T12:10:00.004+08:00

This song, in my opinion, is the best song ever written and the best mv ever shot.

My best friend gave me the best advice,
He said each day's a gift and not a given right

So inspirational without being overtly goosebumpish.

2009-06-22T13:46:00.007+08:00

There's something very wrong with me... I get very happy and excited when listening to the pokemon theme song

Pokemon- TV Theme So.mp3 -

2009-06-15T00:20:00.002+08:00

Everyone's a little bit unsatisfied,
Everyone goes 'round a little empty inside

Need to get over myself; need to come to terms with the status quo.
Do I, really? What about finding the courage and the determination.

When I think about it, I'm pretty lucky actually. There isn't very much that I need to worry about that isn't within my control or that I really can't change. Well perhaps except that but I guess things have been improving (I hope) and I should just be thankful that it is so.

Actually.... why should I? Why should one be satisfied if being unsatisfied motivates? It's unsatisfied, not ungrateful. I'm grateful, very very grateful. Very thankful, very appreciative. But uncontented. Is that even possible? But if being unsatisfied conjures new aims, new goals, new hopes. .. dreams. Can come true, can't they? Maybe it IS about finding courage, and the will power.

I feel like Kate Monster. What will my conclusion be?

2009-06-07T23:17:00.002+08:00

What I've been entertaining myself with the past few weeks: FML

Schadenfreude.

2009-05-27T22:34:00.002+08:00

Chui#1: Being mistaken as a senior many times.

Chui#2: My SM who I last worked for 10 mths ago when we just came in (it's only been 10mths?? feels like 10years) finally saw me last friday and went "...are you yuqin?! you look so different! i don't recognize you!"
Well that's bad enough if she meant like I grew fatter or I grew uglier or I had a huge zit on my nose etc etc, but then the story goes that she said "you've really aged!!" and then proceeded to giggle.

Chui#3: In the toilet while laughing at I-can't-rmb-what, shyuan suddenly stopped and said 'eh I can really see your wrinkles when you laugh'

..
...
.... damn chui.

2009-04-19T18:28:00.004+08:00

Koped this from xiaobai, this is so utterly adorable!!

Incidentally, I used to have a family friend with the same name. HAHA

2009-04-08T00:19:00.003+08:00

My temper coupled with my stubborness will land me in deep shit one day.

I cannot believe how indignant I felt, up to the point of being super pissed off.

It might probably bite me in the ass sometime during that no-human-rights-rdtable shit that my beloved second home conducts, but honestly I felt so so so much better after clicking the 'Send' button on my equally-long reply. I tried not to let my piss-ness and sarcasm come out too much, but I don't know how well I managed to contain it. I doubt so. Ohwells what's done is done.

2009-04-06T23:14:00.005+08:00

How to judge whether a person is truely nice or not is whether the person is still nice when he/she is under stress. After all this time, I've wisened up loads. I mean practically everyone can be nice; everyone IS nice when all is happy and well, but few rise up to the challenge when things become difficult. And a pretty face is just what it is - pretty. On the outside. Like a mask. Peel off that prettiness and if below it lies something hideous, then what is the point?

The point? Is that no matter how much we try to deny or convince ourselves that we're all so self-righteous and oh beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, people ARE superficial. Oh come off your moral high horses and admit it. The difference between you and the next person is the degree in which you hold this in regard.

So then what? A pretty ugly person, or an ugly pretty person? Do you even know the difference?

I do. I've seen loads of both.

You know the age old adage of when the going gets tough, the tough gets going?

They always say you never know what's tough till you've done this-this-this but honestly, where does it stop? How'd you know the this that you're referring to is actually tough?

一山还有一山高。。。一难还有一难难？

I boggle myself sometimes.

2009-04-01T23:44:00.002+08:00

Everything seems so.... -indescribable. Foreboding sense. Can't be the calm before the storm cos the storm happened, yet feels like it.

Sometimes I can't help but think that maybe, maybe it'd be better if pretence is not put up any longer. If so, will it kill everyone? Or spare all instead.

I don't know either.

2009-03-22T00:45:00.002+08:00

i love my smcz (:

book tix soon u guys!

2009-03-06T01:22:00.002+08:00

A teeny tiny part of me is kinda annoyed by the nonchalance, but I guess it's better like that.

While watching powerpuff just now, my mum came down and wanted to switch channels. When we refused to she said she didn't understand how we can like a show with 'three qia za bors who keep fighting'.

My mumsie - one of a kind.

Anyone interested to go travelling with me in the first week of may? I'm desperate. I need to get a life.

2009-02-23T01:18:00.003+08:00

So now Jurong's not far anymore, it's Joo Koon. Wherever that is. I was still sniggering on the train to office this afternoon cos I thought the system pronounced jurong wrongly.... DON'T LAUGH AT ME OK!

Caught the last part of The Pianist on okto earlier on and I suddenly remembered why I wanted to learn chopin's ballade so much the other time. It's so sad, and nice, and depressing, and hopeful, all at the same time. sighhhh I guess when it comes down to it, talent still overpowers practice. I'll never be able to play this fully. =(

The Pianist -

2009-02-14T23:36:00.002+08:00

Today is vday, and I'm married to this lousy job. hooray.

I NEED SOME EXCITEMENT IN MY LIFE OMGGG

2009-02-04T23:37:00.003+08:00

Something (or things) doesn't feel right yet I can't put my finger on anything....

Feeling very uneasy.

2009-01-31T13:10:00.002+08:00

"Unusual weather in the Northern Hemisphere"
"Chilliest winter in 13years"
"Highest layoffs since Second World War"

With all the bad things that have been coming up, is the apocalypse coming?
Do you know what are the 25 things you wanna do before you die?

2009-01-24T01:16:00.003+08:00

2009-01-23T01:07:00.002+08:00

As much as I feel really bad for them that they're drowning in shit, I feel even more relieved that maybe, just maybe, the problem didn't lie with me, and I can stop feeling so guilty. Someone out there needs to stop being ridiculous and see what he's putting his people through. teamwork. HA. riteeeeeeeee.

2009-01-22T00:02:00.004+08:00

my credit card bills for the past month is zero - totally emphasizing the sad state of affairs of my life (or rather, lack of a life) right now