narcissistic pleasure

am glad.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

didnt think i'd get in. i tot it was a no-chance-at-all for me. and i was ECSTATIC after i ripped open the letter with my trembling hands. i really was.

but i guess they're right abt always wanting wad u can't haf.

before, i always wanted to go THERE. but looking at my results, i nv tot it possible. applying for it was a ahh-wad-the-hell-won't-hurt-to-try kinda decision. and after that, i only heard from the other. so i went. and was really banking on them to accept me so i can study wad i want. but as i waited, and waited, and waited........ it was becoming clear tt even they didnt want me. and i became paranoid. fREAking paranoid for one whole horrible week. in my mind, all i tot was, "this is it."
and today, out of the blue, i received THEIR letter. and like i said, i was delirious with joy. my dad tot i was gg mad.
but as the excitement faded away, this nagging feeling ate at my heart. they didnt want me when i wanted them so much. yet sth i only dared dream of accepted me. where did the problem lie? and tt's when i realized, hey, it's me. i can blame noone but myself. i screwed up, i screwed up. no excuses.

ohwells. but i'm really happy still. at least someone wants me :) heh.

someone once told me the grass is much greener on the other side.

she uttered nonsense at 2:35 PM