no life i'm leading
Saturday, August 27, 2005
whoever said first yr of uni life was easy, as beat would say, "ought to be shot". i feel like i'm gonna explode soon, the stress of schwork, the frustration of permanently being lagging, the disappointment of not living up to expectations, the annoyance at myself, the helplessness from not being able to do anything to aid others.
or maybe it's true, in which case i don't ever want to grow up.
i spend time studying, reading, doing my tutorials. i allocate time for co stuff, meetings, gg down to the instrument shop, preparing for up and coming concerts. i give time to my friends, old and new, meeting up with them for lunch or dinner, trying to listen to them and lend them a shoulder or a helping hand. but it's always the same case. it's never enuff.
it ain't freaking enuff.
second week in a row tt i can't go home. i miss being alive. i'm not alive, i feel like a corpse gg abt, carrying out my day to day activities as is required of me.
i can't breathe.
listening to jay chou's songs is depressing me. in fact, listening to anything depresses me. i'm more aware of the fact that i'm alone. i'm aware of the fact that others expect me to be happy-go-lucky, when inside i feel like screaming at everyone and the world. i'm aware of the fact that pple do take me as their kao shan, someone to confide and seek comfort in, when the shan in me is breaking and collapsing into a rubble.
i want to help others, yet i know to do so, i first need to help myself. sometimes in life, the pple who help u need help themselves.
she uttered nonsense at 1:01 AM
chao slacker so??
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
i best liaO!!
15min before i was scheduled to meet my grp for discussion, i was still in my room slacking away. ehh i very tired okay, slept at 3 plus the night before. so anw, i was feeling really lazy but with great perseverance and strength, i pulled myself out of the bed and grabbed my ob book, ready to leave. then it came to me to at least take a look at what i'll be discussing later, so i flipped to the page. AND!! it was just full of those mind puzzles, u know, like those where they ask u to connect all the dots by drawing only a few lines and not lifting up ur pen at all. so of course there was nth much for discussion rite?! hahahaha so guess wad lazy ol me did??
i started msging everyone in my grp, hinting to them tt maybe there wasn't a need to meet at all. and of course they all reply sth like "anything, ask the rest". ask the rest?? all say the same thing, so me said NO NEED TO MEET!! heehee.
so here i am! still in my room, feeling slightly pleased with myself. aiyoh, this is bad. i'm a slacker yet i feel so accomplisheD!! hahahahhah.
actually hor, i think everyone else also as slack as me one lorr. but must pretend to be more hardworking so must reply "anything". if someone msged me that, i would haf replied "YEAH! OKAYY!!" enthusiastically larr. hahhaah. ok larr, ok larr. I'M the slacker k?
hahah can imagine someone saying "you ahh..." again tmr. hahahah
she uttered nonsense at 5:11 PM
i'm not up to it :(
Sunday, August 21, 2005
urgh. first time on the job, and i screw up. can things get any worse??
everything went perfectly, except for my side.
sorry, and thanks for being such an understanding comm.
she uttered nonsense at 3:33 PM
never feeling whole.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
someone told me, "if i were a les i would have alr fallen for ****". hmm. nv tot abt it this way. who would i like if i were crookeD? actually, i know.
haf to be back in sch tmr early morning. grp discussion at 9, den meeting at 1, followed by rehearsal and recording in the evening. tmr's saturday. saturday! weekend!! sighz.
wah siann eh. i just updated the list agn. dunno change how many times liao. it'd better not change anymore larr, tmr's the thing liao. sending emails at 1.45 in the morning isn't exactly very fun. such a simple thing, yet i can't do it well. so much for efficiency. i doubt my own ability sometimes.
i feel bogged down.
random thoughts.
- nic's hse rep.
- i'm lagging in stats. no, scratch that. i've not started on stats AT ALL. best.
- there's nv enough time for wad i want.
time management, TIME MANAGEMENT!!
- they ain't frens, they're just grpmates.
- i'm not up to the task.
no, i'm not getting depressed. i'm just....................i dunno.
incomplete.
she uttered nonsense at 1:33 AM
adventures of a cow
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
lalala allyne ask me to update.
i got my laptop liao.. finally!! nice and sleek...i love it!! but one bad thing... it's making me sleep late everynite liao.. haha cos now got games to play and stuff.. and i need to bring it back home this weekend to configure everything..
i still dunno how to use the fingerprint tech thingy *paiseH*i'm slightly starting to regret it.. everything's so new and scary to me. i feel like a lil kid, a newcomer, a green horn. expectations are high and overbearing, but i'll be positive and try to live up to them.
presentations, presentations, and more presentations. two down, and a hundred and one more to go.
on another note, smuians starting sch liao. has it been a month alr?? jk's been so busy shopping and she's complaining abt spending money. thanks ah, i dun even haf time to go out anymore. me = no life. yepps.
projects, projects, and more projects.
sian.
she uttered nonsense at 5:41 PM
my first august entry
Friday, August 05, 2005
can't wait can't wait for my laptop to come den i can finally go online in my own room. meanwhile i haf to be content with the free access lab.
waiting for jinx and jw to be done with their lessons at 1230 so we can go meet naima for lunch. so excited to see her! hahah :)
i was at ALLYNE's room ydy afternoon.........all i want to say is, i'm so glad i'm not staying there if not i wun dare to do anything alone. darling allyne is sooo brave.
the entire week, we've been rooming with others. mon and wed, xiang stayed over. actually, she can just rent out her room and permanently join us as a certified squatter. hehh. tue, angeline, and last nite was spent with nic and jiehui in nic's room.
and i'm finally on disc 18 alr!! one more and tt's it. but i'm worried i'll suffer from withdrawal symptoms next week. any new shows to recommend?'
groan. tertiary books are expensive and heavy.
she uttered nonsense at 11:12 AM
