narcissistic pleasure

Sunday, October 09, 2011

It's been awhile.

I've been thinking about what was said during dinner just now, and it's making me slightly dreary. So a couple of them were saying that in a year or so I'll find myself losing friends from back home, from either just simply losing touch/interest, or because I/they change so much that we're no longer on common frequency and it starts becoming a chore to keep up.

And then I see those videos on fb and I suddenly got very melancholy. Indeed it's.......... different. To be fair we were already drifting apart, but still. I'm not afraid to say what I want to here cos she won't be reading this, not now not ever, but it isn't a very pleasant feeling. And the one thing that kept popping out from dinner was when I probably had a pretty horrified expression on me and they just laughed and said hey it's nothing bad, you lose one and u make another. It's a step forward cos they're no longer the type u wanna hang out with anymore. And it's ringing so many bells in my head right now.

Ding dong, ding dong and wedding marches.

The sad thing is, if I want to be perfectly honest to myself, when I look at what I have/am going through now, I don't regret anything. I don't regret losing what was back home cos I've seen what is, and can be, here. I don't know if this will change in a year or two, but if you ask me now, I'd say if it comes down to it, I'd sacrifice what was, for what is and what will be. Am I too much?

I blame it on the fact that I'm hanging out with an older, and definitely very much more different, crowd nowadays, and these are people who've been here for ages and don't really see themselves going back anytime soon cos home isn't home to them anymore. These are the people who break out in song and dance and feel right at home here. These are the people who... live. Who have dreams and chase it. Passion - something that was sorely lacking and yet I never knew until now...

Well at least I'm writing this down here for now. When I don't and yet I feel that way..... is the time when it's one of you.........

Labels: life

she uttered nonsense at 9:32 PM