tc
Sunday, August 27, 2006
I'm sorry if I sounded really rude or pissed off but I'm really tired of explaining already. Sometimes I think if you're simply not interested anymore, den why waste my time practically begging you? Yet I know it's for the general good, and it's something expected of me. Maybe some people just get some form of enjoyment in seeing people sweat it out and working their socks off.
I guess by now most people know of my balloonophobia and I know some probably think I'm doing it on purpose to gain attention, but I'm really not. Do you know how irritated I am at myself for being so afraid of a piece of stretched rubber and air? It restricts me so much and I always end up not joining in the fun. It's not something I want. It's a bloody hindrance but I'm really just afraid of them. Why? Is there a reason to why one is afraid of something? Why are there claustrophobic people? Why are there people who are afraid of open spaces? Why are there people who are afraid of clowns? I don't know why. I just know I do. To me, the feeling of holding a balloon in its entity is the same feeling some get with nails on a chalkboard. It makes my hair stand; I feel all ickish and sick. I'm not crazy, it's just a counter reaction my body naturally produces. And it's not like I haven't tried overcoming my fear. I did, in sec3 during the school carnival. I diligently did my duty at the shoot-and-pop-balloons-to-win-prizes booth my class was in charge of. I stood right beside the board full of balloons and saw as each balloon popped before my eyes. And that week I finally thought I managed to overcome it. But by the next week, when someone came charging towards me with a balloon, I found myself unable to hold it properly without getting the same ickish feeling all over again. It's just something I guess I have to live with. But it's not something I'm proud of, and definitely not something I'm doing on purpose. I can't control it.
Such a long entry huhh. I'm not implying anything, just trying to get people to understand that I'm not 'crazy'. If anything, I guess you all can laugh at me for being so loserish. Fear of balloons. How retarded right.
Also, enough about the K word, all I just hope is for everything to pass soon. I know right now I probably deserve every bad thing that's happening to me, and I'm not going to complain about fair or unfair. Sometimes though, just give me a lil time to feel sorry for myself, but like I said, I know I deserve it.
she uttered nonsense at 12:31 AM
bahh
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Some people just get on my nerves.
I'm probably going to invite more bad karma to myself by saying things like that, but @#$*^!!!
I mean hello it's all in there isnt it? In black and white, in your face!! Can't you just take a few moments to just download it and read through? Heck, just scan through that few pages and u'll get the gist! What for waste your time and my time asking asking asking, to and fro, when it's all there?!? urgh.
Do I look like a bloody encyclopaedia to u? Or is there sth written across my forehead which says 'I'm the course coordinator'?? And one more thing. Don't ask me if you don't trust me. What for ask already, then spend the next ten minutes questioning my reliability?? YOU'RE the one who didn't come, I don't find myself obliged to inform you of what happened. I'm not close to you in the first place. So when I take the liberty to tell you, please don't question my every statement!
...
And please dun be so hum ji and don't dare to email profs. You're like how old alr?? Are you going to ask me to bring you to the toilet next?? Also, learn to follow your eyes and read properly. Email addresses vary greatly with a single change in letter or number. Don't kaopeh me just cos you got parallax error and can't send out.
No wonder I was warned about you. I can't believe I wasted more than an hour trying to churn out politically correct replies, when all I wanted to say was GROW UP.
Wadssup with some of them this sem?! The previous year was alright, what happened to the alright pple?! Sometimes I know I should not be evil and I must try to believe in 'there's no such thing as a stupid question', but some are just.......................... go figure.
URGH, i shall not spoil my mood just cos of childish people.
On a happier note, my birks came le!!! YAYY (: gonna go collect it on sunday!! And one thing I'm pretty proud of myself about, I've been regularly doing my tuts and keeping up with my readings!! Although I can feel my stamina and energy sapping away............. and to think it's week3 only. BUT I MUST AND I WILL KEEP UP!!! hehheh. *pats myself*
she uttered nonsense at 4:05 AM
HAHAHAH
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
LOL LOL LOL LOL OMG!!!!
I can't stop laughing but i got to am chio cos my darling roomie is sleeping!!!
WAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
I just spent the past 2 hrs or so listening to the ndp rally online.. den I thought I might as well listen to the latest mrbrown podcast before going to bed. And now I can't go to bed cos I can't stop laughing!! wahhahahahhaha
Go listen to this, especially if you did listen to the rally! Hilarious I tell you!!
I was wondering what he was referring to when I was listening to the rally, but I didn't think too much. Now I'm like 'ohhhhhhh it's supposed to be hiam'!!! hahah
mai hum, mai hum, mai hum mai hum mai hum!! =D
she uttered nonsense at 5:01 AM
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Day 14.
Can't control myself, in a --- mood agn. Over the weekend, I thought abt alot of things. I wondered abt many others. Queries and questions I doubt will ever be answered, or even expressed, if at all. Maybe they were right, afterall they were just trying to protect me. Somehow, though, I wish.........
That night, I thought I had gathered enough courage. I guess not. The sentence just left hanging there, like many others before, and many others to come. I need to learn.
Everyday I do the same thing, repeat the routine, getting the same outcome. Like it makes any difference. I feel retarded, I feel loserish, I despise my current self. Yet I still do. Maybe being really busy is good. Kinda numbs everything, forcing you to be oblivious to whatever.
It sucks huhh. There's just so much I want to say, so much I want to ask, so much I want to know, yet I know it's never going to happen. When can I, and where? And what right? Who's lips been sealed forever, and locked up in the drawer.
I feel like a really bad friend these days. So caught up with my own bloody self, getting fked up with my own problems, and troubling those who matter most. Those who bothered to care. I'm probably not the only one with problems now, but I behave like that to them huhh. I need to learn to not be so selfish. Hey you, how's everything at your side? I hope things are fine with you. Please don't feel like you can't load your worries on me, I'd still be very willing to lend a listening ear. I want to be a friend, I don't want to feel anymore useless than I already do.
Please let me feel wanted by someone, anyone.
And counting.
she uttered nonsense at 1:09 AM
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Monsters Inc is my all time favourite modern Disney cartoon! It's like the 5th time I'm watching it, yet it's also the fifth time I cried at the end. I'm a sucker when I watch shows ok, so don't laugh. Or maybe it gave me a good reason to be tearing huhh.
boo dun like the evil randall..... =D
Boo's cute. The show's just so.... awwwwwww. haha. I just want to be like a little girl all over again, and not have a care about the world, and all that I have to worry about are monsters in the closet. And all I need to do is to draw a little picture of the big bad monster, and someone will come pick me up, and chase the monster away. At least I won't feel that it's just me against the world.
Won't someone come chase the big bad monster in my head?
Ohwells. Back to reality. *snap* Off I go devour more of my favourite taxation!! (:
/edit. Has anyone else noticed that the 'call on me' music vid is damnnnnn hot?? sizzling hot!!!
My mum thought I was watching porn can. *faints*
she uttered nonsense at 1:57 AM
Thursday, August 17, 2006
/edit. I forgot, I promised no more angsty post. My bad.
I am trying to like taxation, but it isn't giving me a chance to! Why, dearest 305, why must you come in thick stacks of notes? And if it isn't enough, I've to refer to our all time fav statute Chpt 134?
Oh I so love school man. I so love it. *muacks* I heart my school. I heart my notes, and my lectures, and my tutorials. And I heart my lecturers, tutors and classmates. I heart projects and case studies.
*ahem* That wasn't me! nono. hahahah okok, that was a half-time rant. Back to my readings! But I'm friggin tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!! $%^&*%$#@!!!!
she uttered nonsense at 2:18 AM
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Hi, stranger.
So distant, don't seem to know you anymore. Or what's going on. Do you?
Did you know that I'm in a bout of bad luck recently? Or maybe it hasn't been recent. Maybe it started since then. And maybe it's karma.
We walked down the stairs, and jinx just now laughed at how suay I've been. It's so true that even I find it funny.
Go away, suayness, please. Or just throw me all the karma I deserve, and be gone soon. I need spirit-boosting. :s
she uttered nonsense at 11:39 PM
photo overload!!
Saturday, August 12, 2006
okok no more gloomy doomy posts k?
anyway here's some long overdued photos for my bestie to see!! (:
warning: photo overload ya? dun blame me if this slows down your comp too much. Actually, it means your comp needs an upgrade. wahaahah =D
NTUCO Beijing Trip
group photo at changi
we love planes!
my lovely roomie in the super nice tsinghua hostel!!
looks like i koped from the SCH concert fotos horr
kong zi in tsinghua. ohmmmmm~
at forbidden city with xz the chiobu!! (:
round and round and round and around somemore~
yiing loves the 'C'!! =D
i've got the most ginormous luggage!!
And here's what I've been doing the past few weeks. Besides school, that is. hahah
NDP Preview
with my family (:
tattoos!! guess which hand is mine?
gong shi jia is the size of a..... cheezel?? hahahaa
hehheh. we love to zi pai
fireworks are one of the chioest things in the world (:
yepps..
More in my flickr set, if anyone is interested. I doubt so though. It's for my own voyeuristic pleasure!! haha
I'm not done!! hehheh. More, more!! suck your bandwidth. MUAHAHAA!!!
Night Safari
I think the last time I was there was when it JUST opened
hehheh. my daddy likes to act serious
my sis, the monkey
mr giraffe the tram!!
hooga-shagaa!
Didn't manage to take much inside, since it's all dark and we weren't allowed flash. But it's a nice place to go to once in a while. Kinda made me think abit while I was inside, cos it was somewhere I was supposed to have gone, but now..... apparently not. But I still went with my family in the end. (:
Okay I'm finally done. tadaH! TWO BLOODY HOURS!! Now, I'm going to click the 'Publish Post' button and pray hard that nothing goes wrong.
she uttered nonsense at 4:11 PM
so at the end of the day..
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Nothing seems worth it anymore.
I said yes, and I won't go back on my word. No I won't. On both accounts.
Life seems to be making a fool out of me. Bringing me in a merry go round. Back to status quo, back to square one.
But it's okay.
I'll be ok.
bring it on, i'm all geared up. nothing can really shock much any longer.
she uttered nonsense at 2:44 AM
