narcissistic pleasure

reformed.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

i'm so sorry for all the petty little arguments i always have. i now admit i'm super fortunate.

today was an eye-opener for me. i was having tuition as per normal, but halfway thru, i heard this loud and terrible skin-crawling wail. i can't even begin to describe that sound. u haf to be there to noe wad i'm talking abt. i was trying to see what was creating the noise that was making all my hair stand on end. and guess wad. it was the brother.
den he stopped wailing, screaming, crying or wad u call it.
den he started again.
and stopped.
and started.
a 20 plus grown man standing by the kitchen wailing away really scared the shit out of me. i think he was in serious pain, due to his kidney or spine or just generally his back or wadeva. and in the room, the mother was shouting across asking him wad the problem was and everything. he said he was in terrible pain and needed to visit the doctor. then he went into the room to get money from the mother. after awhile, the mother shouted for my student, "wu lui bor?"
so my student went in to dig out her savings and empty her piggy bank. den before any of us knew wad was happening, the brother said he called for an ambulance for himself alr. ok finnneee.
soon the medics came and by den either he was getting used to the pain or he was just trying to save face, i dunno, he was surprisingly calm. comparitively. a few minutes ago he was screaming.
they parked the sitting stretcher outside the flat and came in, attending to him, asking why he was shivering, no, shaking so much. asked abt medical history, any illness, wad medicine he is currently taking etc.
And den i realized. within that short less-than-a-minute conversation between the medic and the mother, i suddenly knew why all this while he seemed so, erm, useless. i used to think why a big man like him is forever home and taking money from the already poor parents. apparently he has some mental problem and is still taking medicine from "ban qiao", and once fell (accidentally or otherwise) from the fifth floor when he was slightly younger.
my student whispered to me "wahlau. call ambulance." in a tone which says wad a waste of money. and her sentiment was echoed by the mother, who's first question to the medics was not "how is he" nor "wad happened to him", but "duo shao?"
the medic, who was injecting painkillers at that time, answered "depends on how much he needs to last him the trip to the hospital. the doctors will give him proper medicine later."
"bu shi, jiu hu che yao duo shao qian?"
natural instinct makes us wonder why the mother was so heartless, or rather, so stingy. but knowing their family, i knew she was not. money was an issue. they didnt even haf the spare cash to pay for a visit to the neighbourhood gp, wad more the hospital bills.
and she proved me right. as the sirens of the ambulance faded away into the distance, i could hear her feeling for her buddha praying beads. her chanting filled the background as my student and i forced our minds back to fractions and decimals.

i am one lucky girl.

she uttered nonsense at 1:41 PM