narcissistic pleasure

me myself and I

Saturday, December 17, 2005

It started when I realized how much fun everyone was having without me, while I was wallowing in shitty self-pity. I thought long and hard, wad was it, just wad was it that was causing me to not be in the best of moods? Was it cos of being psed numerous times by numerous groups, or was it cos deep down I know I don't really have anyone I can immediately turn to anymore? I don't know. And till now, I still don't know. What I do know is, from now on, I'm going to adopt a me attitude. Sorry if this sounds really selfish, but I figure it's for the better. At least till I finally learn to accept things the way they are. I used to get easily affected by what was happening around me, what was happening to my friends, and my relationship with my friends. It used to be that my friends came before anything else, even before my family, even before myself.

It's time for all these to change. And look at my blog title, how apt. As though I predicted my own future.

Sometimes people choose to tell certain stuff only to certain people, regardless of how long or close the relationship is. And for good reason. I guess the most obvious reason is cos tt person is somehow involved in the problem or situation, or if not, it's probably cos......i dunno, affinity or sth. hah. I just realized how ironical I sound. If you don't understand what I'm talking abt, stop guessing and ask me if you want to. It's not about you.

Doubt if you'll read this, but anyways. hey you who made me so worried when u cried and msged me in the middle of the night, please don't be so sad. I know i'm going to contradict what I just said, but I'm always here for you. I dunno if you want anyone else to know, so I shall not name names. But things'll improve. It'll take some time, but we'll both learn to accept the things which we cannot change in our own situation. And it will be better. I promise you. And my ear is waiting for you to bend. huggs too. :)

she uttered nonsense at 2:20 AM