narcissistic pleasure

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I'm in a damn whatever mood today. -- leaves me in a very foul mood. Maybe also cos my huns aint around to cheer me up or let me kp to.

Damage control. So necessary. Yet dunno what to do and how to do it. And you think to yourself, what the hell am I doing. Or crudely put, for fuck? Do you even give a damn? I overestimated, it isn't enough. And what was, isn't there anymore.

Studies aint everything, they say. But without that asshat honours, where do you even start? projects, quizzes, projects, quizzes. Maybe if you're lucky you get to do labs in between. How fun! And, and, if you're luckier, you may even get surprise tests!! Oh hit me, I've been sooooo lucky this sem!

...

I'm tired. Which is not good. Now's the time to pia and mug, yet I feel so drained. Feeling meaningless again. What, why, so. Going about day to day routine, keeping myself busy. Forcing, pushing. Not really knowing for what, and why.

I feel like MIA-ing and being uncontactable for a week. To take my own break and clear my thoughts. But it'll be so irresponsible of me. Sometimes I feel as though I'll never be able to close the chapter. Closing one thing, and maybe starting another. Or working hard for something I really believe in. Maybe that's where the problem lies. I don't seem to believe in anything anymore. Or I can't. I really want to. I want to feel motivated, I want to feel excitement and enthusiasm.

..... lifeless.

Someone please bring some meaning into my life.

she uttered nonsense at 11:12 PM