narcissistic pleasure

Thursday, June 28, 2007

I thought everything was for the better already, the last time it happened was 3 years back that time when I was in j2, but then today, you did it again. It showed just how much you haven't changed. You said you're disappointed, I'm even more so.

The whole time I was counting from one to ten repeatedly, telling myself not to get worked up, not to get upset, to control my anger and hurt. One is enough to mess things bad. And I'm proud to say that I managed to, I kept on with my stuff as normally and calmly as I could, and I tried my very best to swallow the very things that were threatening to spill. Although they still did in the end, but at least I can say that this time I didn't make things worse than they could have been.

I was holding a pamphlet on my hands and staring at it a long time, before I realized I wasn't really even looking at it. Just many many thoughts running through my head, and what I wanted to say to you. So many things, so many. The exact same things that keep repeating in my head everytime something happens, and which adds to themselves every single time it does. I tell myself to think about the good things, afterall it isn't fair to overlook the good and harp on the bad. But I couldn't help it, negativity begets negativity, and to be fair to myself I already tried my best this time, I really did.

I will tell myself that it will be easier to get used to with every time it happens.

Anyways, han! it's not that I don't want to post the collages properly!! There's something wrong, supposed to can click and enlarge. But ohwells I'll figure out some other time when I'm free-er haha.

Labels: whatever

she uttered nonsense at 10:26 PM