Tuesday, January 03, 2012
Throwing away your toothbrush makes everything feel so...... final.
Ohwell. As j said, it's going to hurt no matter what, so be firm now and don't drag it any longer. I'm sorry, blame me for being humji, or for being so uncertain all the time.
I want to get back to what was, but it doesn't seem possible...... at least not now.
Giving it time.
Labels: life
she uttered nonsense at 8:37 PM
Sunday, October 09, 2011
It's been awhile.
I've been thinking about what was said during dinner just now, and it's making me slightly dreary. So a couple of them were saying that in a year or so I'll find myself losing friends from back home, from either just simply losing touch/interest, or because I/they change so much that we're no longer on common frequency and it starts becoming a chore to keep up.
And then I see those videos on fb and I suddenly got very melancholy. Indeed it's.......... different. To be fair we were already drifting apart, but still. I'm not afraid to say what I want to here cos she won't be reading this, not now not ever, but it isn't a very pleasant feeling. And the one thing that kept popping out from dinner was when I probably had a pretty horrified expression on me and they just laughed and said hey it's nothing bad, you lose one and u make another. It's a step forward cos they're no longer the type u wanna hang out with anymore. And it's ringing so many bells in my head right now.
Ding dong, ding dong and wedding marches.
The sad thing is, if I want to be perfectly honest to myself, when I look at what I have/am going through now, I don't regret anything. I don't regret losing what was back home cos I've seen what is, and can be, here. I don't know if this will change in a year or two, but if you ask me now, I'd say if it comes down to it, I'd sacrifice what was, for what is and what will be. Am I too much?
I blame it on the fact that I'm hanging out with an older, and definitely very much more different, crowd nowadays, and these are people who've been here for ages and don't really see themselves going back anytime soon cos home isn't home to them anymore. These are the people who break out in song and dance and feel right at home here. These are the people who... live. Who have dreams and chase it. Passion - something that was sorely lacking and yet I never knew until now...
Well at least I'm writing this down here for now. When I don't and yet I feel that way..... is the time when it's one of you.........
Labels: life
she uttered nonsense at 9:32 PM
Friday, February 25, 2011
I want this so much I can taste it.
And because I want this SO MUCH, I'm so afraid if it falls through.
It's been a long time since I bothered to fight, bothered to act, for something that I want.
It's refreshing.
Labels: discovering meself, life
she uttered nonsense at 1:03 AM
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
I cannot help but recall this extract from Matilda:
"Mrs D, Mrs I, Mrs F-F-I,
Mrs C, Mrs U, Mrs L-T-Y.
That spells difficulty."
"... WHY ARE ALL THESE WOMEN MARRIED??"
Labels: life
she uttered nonsense at 1:23 AM
Friday, April 09, 2010
Suddenly feel like chopping my hair off EVEN SHORTER. woots!
Decided to flood this space with my bf's pic:
heehee.
Nowadays I'm starting to believe that thinking positively will garner positive energy which = positive outcome / more luck. Instead of harping on 'why didnt I get that chance' or 'why me', I'm starting to get myself to think 'Something bigger is waiting for me' or 'it's a good chance'. As they say, one man's trash is another man's treasure. So everyone in the midst of misery or on the brink of depression, start thinking positive! It just might work.
Or maybe I've just been hanging around my positive-energy-guru nini more often lately. haha!
I think I've been living in the past for far too long. I look around me and I see things that have been there since many years back - feel like some ancient figure who's stuck in time.
It's all about finding something new, challenging yourself, daring to venture into the unknown. Taking the first step forward. Everyone's moving on - I want to move forward too. PROGRESS. (not in that sarcastic def, shyuan) haha!
Labels: life
she uttered nonsense at 11:22 PM
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Chui#1: Being mistaken as a senior many times.
Chui#2: My SM who I last worked for 10 mths ago when we just came in (it's only been 10mths?? feels like 10years) finally saw me last friday and went "...are you yuqin?! you look so different! i don't recognize you!"
Well that's bad enough if she meant like I grew fatter or I grew uglier or I had a huge zit on my nose etc etc, but then the story goes that she said "you've really aged!!" and then proceeded to giggle.
Chui#3: In the toilet while laughing at I-can't-rmb-what, shyuan suddenly stopped and said 'eh I can really see your wrinkles when you laugh'
..
...
.... damn chui.
she uttered nonsense at 10:34 PM
Monday, April 06, 2009
How to judge whether a person is truely nice or not is whether the person is still nice when he/she is under stress. After all this time, I've wisened up loads. I mean practically everyone can be nice; everyone IS nice when all is happy and well, but few rise up to the challenge when things become difficult. And a pretty face is just what it is - pretty. On the outside. Like a mask. Peel off that prettiness and if below it lies something hideous, then what is the point?
The point? Is that no matter how much we try to deny or convince ourselves that we're all so self-righteous and oh beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, people ARE superficial. Oh come off your moral high horses and admit it. The difference between you and the next person is the degree in which you hold this in regard.
So then what? A pretty ugly person, or an ugly pretty person? Do you even know the difference?
I do. I've seen loads of both.
You know the age old adage of when the going gets tough, the tough gets going?
They always say you never know what's tough till you've done this-this-this but honestly, where does it stop? How'd you know the this that you're referring to is actually tough?
一山还有一山高。。。 一难还有一难难？
I boggle myself sometimes.
she uttered nonsense at 11:14 PM
Saturday, January 31, 2009
"Unusual weather in the Northern Hemisphere"
"Chilliest winter in 13years"
"Highest layoffs since Second World War"
With all the bad things that have been coming up, is the apocalypse coming?
Do you know what are the 25 things you wanna do before you die?
Labels: life
she uttered nonsense at 1:10 PM
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Mixed feelings.
I don't know what I should think, or act, or feel.
Need to stop getting so hung up on myself. The world doesn't revolve around me. Need to stop being selfish. Need to learn to let go and be more open-minded.
Need to not only accept change, but to also embrace it. Need to not only look to the future, but to also plan for it.
But I don't wanna grow up, no i don't wanna grow up.
because when all is said and done...
Labels: life
she uttered nonsense at 12:01 AM
Monday, October 06, 2008
Dance like nobody's watching,
Love like you've never been hurt.
Sing like nobody's listening,
Live like it's heaven on earth.
Teach me.
Labels: life
she uttered nonsense at 1:09 AM
Saturday, October 04, 2008
I really admire those who dare to step out of their comfort zone, those who dare to chase their dreams, no matter how different it is from what people perceive as 'normal'.
I wanna follow my dreams too, but it's not the right time, or it's not right, or it's too far fetched.
When will I stop giving myself excuses?
I've never been brave enough to do things differently, so I always followed the crowd. Never truly happy with it, but still doing it. Cowardly, mindless. Sad la, really. Sometimes I wonder......
Feels like I'm going nowhere.
Lofty ambitions?
Labels: life
she uttered nonsense at 11:36 PM
Sunday, June 22, 2008
I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, or your colleague. If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear to you as right - for me. To put up with me is the first step to understanding me. Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and - far from seeking to change me - preserve and even nurture those differences.
Wow.
Labels: life
she uttered nonsense at 11:16 PM
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Finally the last of sending-people-offs.
Again, am mighty depressed about being stuck in singapore having to worry about oh shit it's past cny and i've yet to catch up on ANY work, all the while longing to takeoff on the next jet plane and just fly to somewhere. sigh.
Saw a couple of camera-worthy shots today, too bad v's forever-no-batt camera was, as usual, without battery. Tearful farewells, brave fronts, group hugs and the like. Pretty amazing, and heartwarming too.
So my dearest bro is now on his way to the land of the cows - I'm going to admit I was really quite sad, I'm gonna miss him lots because afterall he knows me better than anyone in my family. We're that close. Also, who's going to entertain me and let me criticize to no end for the next 6 mths? haha. But I'm sure he's going to have a blast, and really, it's only 6 months. (:
I love you grarrl, and please take care of yourself.
she uttered nonsense at 11:38 PM
Friday, January 25, 2008
URGH. A few nights ago after watching tv and reading the news and whatnot, I started thinking about crappy stuff, like why issit that so many people my age are already out there earning big bucks, or have already become really famous, or are already married with kids, or basically already making a name for themselves, while I'm down here, in my room, wasting my life away msn-ing and learning abt entity relationships??? I'm freaking 22 this year for goodness sake, TWENTY TWO!!! kao. KAO!!! Am freaking unhappy right now because I'm feeling lousy and useless, and leading a very much meaningless life. KAO!! And milo agrees with me ok, so I'm not the only cockster hor, jinx!
Somehow, in my subconscious mind, I'm stuck in the 19yearsold stage, and it doesn't seem to be moving anytime soon. Denial! URGH. =((((
emo!
she uttered nonsense at 12:47 AM
Monday, December 31, 2007
Rarrr! Frustrated that I can't play the piano pieces in the piano duel part in jaychou's Secret properly. I'm deproving (i know there's no such word, whatever) sooo fast it's alarming. =(( And because there's noone else at home who can really play with me, I've got to try that 4-parter piece with just my 2 hands. How sad is that you tell me.
I've been youtube-ing some of my old time favourite cartoons that have since disappeared from the tv screens, and they're just the best. Beats most of the cartoons they have now hands down. (spongebob not included)
There's tiny toons:
and animaniacs:
and sonic:
Anyway kel, if ure reading this, this:
is buster bunny from tiny toons, and this:
is bugs bunny from looney tunes. Different ok? Different.And anyone remembers peewee's playhouse!! The funny guy with his chair called.... chairy I think. I still rmb it was on at 9am every morning, and I always wake up just in time to watch the show before changing for school when I was in the afternoon session.
Ok I'm probably boring all you non-cartoon-lovers (TSK!) out there so off I go! Just thought I'd inch in a last post for 2007.
New year's resolutions...... I resolve to keep my resolutions for this coming year, can? hahaha
Happy new year to all, and may 2008 bring much joy and surprises ahead. (:
she uttered nonsense at 2:23 AM
Monday, December 10, 2007
It isn't about the value of the presents, nor the number of gifts itself; it never was. It's the company, the thought and sincerity, and the love from them.
Birthday lunch at marmalade pantry with the LOTS, and then dinner with the family. A surprise longD call from junyen in china, I couldnt even guess who it was, I really didn't expect it! Plus a couple other calls from people who care -
more than enough to remind me what a lucky girl I am.
Thank you, you guys.
Now, hopefully, as a belated present, to wait for that call from ey with fingers crossed, and everything will be perfect. At least, close to. hehh.
I've learnt quite alot these few days, about assumptions, about differing expectations, about family, about friendships. I've probably had a glimpse of what really is, truth in its most pure and uncovered form. It hasn't been a pleasant journey, it's been shocking, it's been bitter. Sometimes just when you think that you're ready to hear the truth, you realize the truth hurts so much that you'd rather not know. But I believe I've learnt from it all, and I AM ready to handle the truth, because you know why?
I'm 21. (:
Labels: discovering meself, life
she uttered nonsense at 12:17 AM
